I haven’t done a blog post in a while, mainly because I just don’t have time. Except recently I was blessed with severe insomnia – so now, I have 12 hours while the kids are asleep to do anything I want! Blog it is. You’re welcome!

So, With this blog, I decided to share something which has been heavy on my heart the past two weeks. I decided to share a little raw mommy moment with you – hoping my words will hit your heart and maybe bring you a different perspective in your day.

Two weeks ago we were having a VERY bad day with Abigail. Like a terrible, horrible, no good – very bad day. You name it – it happened. Attitudes were flaring, tempers were raging and behavior was at an all time low. There were hours all day of tears and fits and yelling. It was one of those days where I felt like a COMPLETE failure of a mom and I wanted to run and hide. Bed time came, (praise sweet baby Jesus), and I went up to her bedroom to begin the argument of getting her Pjs on, brushing her teeth and getting her in bed. She was putting on make up – yep, make up, because we do that now-And didn’t want to pause her activity to go to bed. After what seemed like forever of arguing, I finally took her snuggle time away. This was the punishment that night for disobedience. What seemed like an hour later, She finally climbed in to bed and asked me to snuggle. I reminded her that was a HARD no. She began to get upset and with tears in her eyes she tried to talk me into snuggling. I looked at her and very calmly, without thinking said “why should I snuggle with you tonight? Your behavior was so bad today, give me a good reason why you deserve my snuggling tonight?” She was silent. I then said “do you deserve me snuggling with you tonight” Abigail just looked at me, shook her head no. IMMEDIATELY as those words flew out of my mouth and as I saw she realized in that moment that she didn’t “deserve it” – was as if God smacked me in the face.

Now, let me quickly insert my background in my relationship with God. I’m a Christian. I’m a believer. I believe in Christ, born of a virgin, lived a sinless life and died on the cross for our sins only to rise again. I believe our confession of our sins and belief gets us to heaven. I do not go to church every time the door is open, and I cuss, drink wine and get a kick out of dirty jokes – but I believe in falling on my knees and pleading with God to just get me through my days because my strength is not enough.

So, with that said – to tell you I literally HEARD GOD SPEAKING TO ME – is crazy. All of a sudden, as I asked Abigail why she deserved my snuggling – I hear God say “grace”. In that moment, all of a sudden, my heart became so soft and I looked at her and thought, no – she didn’t ‘deserve’ anything that night, but I needed to show grace. I needed to show grace to my daughter, because my Heavenly Father looks at me DAILY and knows I don’t deserve what He has given me.

That night I broke down. I curled up in bed with her and scratched her back, as Andrew and I do every night and just gave her grace. Undeserved grace. Grace, because I love her, so much.

Being a parent is hard. Sure, the lack
Of sleep, constant cleaning, laundry, homework, shuttling to and from various daily activities and packing lunches nightly – is heavy….but there is an emotional aspect nobody can prepare you for.

The amount of love you have for your babies is something that nobody can explain or even comprehend until you hold that baby in your arms for the first time and look at their face. It’s a miracle. Babies are miracles. Babies are miracles but my gosh they are little sinners! Little fighting, mess making, screaming sinners.

The past two weeks, in the midst of hard days, when the kids are behaving at their worst, in my mind, I repeat the word “GRACE”.

That one word, changed my whole perspective in my approach to being their mommy. I would be lying if I said I haven’t had a moment where I’ve raised my voice, wanted to hide in the closet or drown my stress in a bottle of wine – but I also have had more moments where I just take a deep breath, Thank God for his mercy and grace in my life and try my hardest to show my kids grace and Christ-like love.

So, my sweet friends – know that this is hard stuff. Parenting is draining work. Especially when your kids outnumber you!! But, everyday just take a deep breath, remember the new sunrise brings a new day to build up your babies and show them true – unwavering – selfless love full of grace