Tonight I decided it’s been a few months since I’ve written a blog (6 months) and perhaps it’s time. I do this from time to time when I’m completely overwhelmed by my own thoughts and emotion. I do this because sometimes when I just have word vomit – I see clarity.

You see, the last blog post I wrote, I had truly no idea what I was opening the door to. I had no idea that my life’s long plea to have someone in my life would bring such a whirlwind of emotion I wasn’t prepared for. I thought I was. I did really think I was ready but I can’t even wrap my mind around what is happening now.

In the past (almost) four months I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned that sometimes, the way things should have been – the way people should have treated you or the way things or people were – doesn’t matter much. You know why – because it was yesterday. And although those moments, those words, those people left big open oozing wounds – NOTHING can take that back. Nothing will make those moments, those people, those pains go away as if they didn’t exist. So what do you do? You’re faced with two options: 1) run and hide. Be angry. Be hateful. Chose not to forgive. Hold on to fear. Hold on to regret. Hold on to “what ifs”. Hold on to pain. 2) Embrace it. Understand those hard moments, Those pains, those tears, those fears didn’t define WHO YOU ARE – But the way you respond, grow and forgive defines who you are.

I have struggled my whole life with the feeling of neglect, pain and forgiveness. I always deep down felt that if I forgave I was doing someone else a favor. What a lie from the pit of hell. Being able to forgive has literally lifted my soul. Forgiveness has been for me.

With that said, I hope anyone struggling with something just figures this out. Figures out that life is short. People are taken from you – and it’s not fair to you or anyone else to try and cram a lifetime of memories into short moments that are filled with hospitals and surgeries and tears and grief.

This world doesn’t revolve around me. And it doesn’t revolve around you. When we are no longer in it – it will keep spinning.

Call someone who you feel owes you an apology. Just say to yourself you forgive them and talk to them about their day. Their family, their Thanksgiving. Just make amends. Get over yourself. Realize in the big wide world, your stresses and anger isn’t worth it.