My whole life I grieved over you. The loss of not having you in my life – the man who was supposed to love me unconditionally in all things. 

Through the years, my anger and resentment may have pushed you away more. I understand that now. Now that it’s too late. 

I’m thankful that we made the effort. I’m thankful that for 10 months we built a “lifetime” of memories, talks and a very different love because we knew your days were numbered. 

Two years have come and gone. Just like that. Funny how some days seem to drag by, yet the year mark and the two year mark hits me like it was just yesterday as I was sitting in my bed and got that early morning phone call. I thought each year anniversary would get easier. But here we are. Two years. Same pain. Same raw and visceral pain. 

Today is another day of grieving. Different than my lifetime of grief. So much more sad.

Sometimes I just hate to admit it – because of our past – but I miss you so so much. I’d give anything for one more call, I’d give anything to go back two years and fly out to see you just 6 days sooner. 

Two years in heaven. I hope you’re good. I hope you’re happy. I hope your heart doesn’t hurt and you can breath easy. I hope your lifetime of depression and pain is replaced with joy and peace with Jesus. 

Look after us. My kids. 

I miss you.