I’ve been thinking a lot lately about life and how it is portrayed. Women are the worst at comparing ourselves continuously to others. We as women care way too much about every aspect in our lives and how it appears to everyone else. It is like we NEED approval from every other female we will ever pass. We want to have a nice home with the most modern décor; our children have to be dressed with the latest trends and heaven forbid there is chocolate on their faces or their outer coat doesn’t match their shoes; we are expected to be back to a size 2 immediately after giving birth, wearing makeup, having our ‘hair did’ and looking like a well put together person in our leggings, plaid shirt and faux fur vest! (Although I must admit, my ass fits much better in leggings with the stretchy waist and an over sized shirt to cover my flab!)
Now, I’m sure people reading this would try to re-affirm their own self and say “Oh, I don’t care what other people think”….Yes. Yes, you do. Don’t lie or kid yourself. If you didn’t really care – let’s get real, you’d never shave, wouldn’t own a hair dryer or straightener and your toenails would be so long as if you were walking on stilts. But, my guess – is you shower and shave your legs (at least once a week which I think is the winter standard), dry and straighten your hair and get random pedicures which change to regular pedis during the summer months.
I think our need to please and need for approval from others has always been around but you know I think it is so much worse these days. I figured it out … social media, thank you social media. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter (I don’t have twitter, can you even post pictures on there?) have every person posting their achievements for the day and their glorious selfies.
Oh God. Selfies. I HATE selfies. With every ounce of my being. I’m okay (I guess) taking a picture with my face showing every now and again, if I have to, because my adorable children come up to me with a cell phone and sweetly say “CHEEEEESE” basically forbidding me to ignore their desire to smack our cheeks together and snap a picture. I find myself scrolling through looking a posts and pictures often. I wish I looked like her, had that wardrobe, wish my house was that nice or my kids behaved like theirs. Ugh. It’s TOTALLY depressing and seriously stressful looking around my house and in the mirror after I’ve spent a few minutes playing on FB and Insta. WHY do we do this to ourselves?? Why do I care so much? I look back now at the past 5 years and realize I have pretty much NO pictures of myself with my itty-bitty infants because I knew I looked like death and didn’t want to remember myself like that and I didn’t want someone else to see that picture and think “Oh my gosh, look how many chins she has!”. Dude, guess what…because of my self-esteem issues and constant comparison to others, I’ve missed out. I’ve missed out keeping those memories alive. Lame. Then I started thinking …. How many pictures do I post where I look like butt? YUP, you guessed it….NONE. The pictures that I see of everyone else are them at their best, or at least their more decent times in their life. #iwokeuplikethis …… Oh my word. Shut it. No you didn’t….. #screwyou! People will post and snap pictures of the way they WANT us to see them, not the way their life is all the time. Why though? Why can’t we just be candid with one another? I swear it would make all of us a lot happier in life if we just stopped judging and didn’t care so much!
I am type A and OCD … I want perfection, I want to be better and nothing is EVER good enough. This is a weakness but I do consider it a strength. It has made me a hard worker, a go-getter and a person who will not give up or be mediocre for myself and my family. I want perfection – but what defines perfection should be up to me – not you.
So, guess what…. My house is a wreck. I currently have dirty dishes in my sink and folded clothes COVERING my dining room table. I haven’t showered yet this morning and I am currently wearing leggings, a sweatshirt and my hair is in a ponytail. My daughter’s socks TOTALLY don’t match her shirt at all right now, I gave my kids SAMS club pizza for lunch because I didn’t feel like making them eat broccoli and chicken and nothing processed. I currently weigh 132 pounds 6 weeks after giving birth and have rolls in places which I just keep covered so you can’t see them. I yell at my kids instead of give them hugs when they are acting like fools and today, after just 10 minutes in the store with all three kids – we left quickly because two out of three were SCREAMING and then they literally fought us as we strapped them into the van! Oh yea, and I drive a MINI VAN! Ya know what, that is NOT perfect…. Yet, I am sitting here on my couch and I’m glancing at my daughter and thinking ‘she is so strong and independent and I hope she never cares that her socks don’t match her outfit’.
I am now challenging myself to really stop giving a damn about what other people think of me. My outside is NOT as pretty as my inside. I am full of love, empathy and compassion for others. I would literally lay down my life for my children and I go to bed (in my messy room) every night next to a man who loves me and gave me three of the most gorgeous babies I’ve ever seen. That – is my perfection.
So, for kicks and giggles – here you go ….